People talk and think too much before doing, she thought, looking at the bound books before her and guessing how many more could have been written should people have had more courage and talked less.
When you remember ice skating, you'll remember skating with someone you loved on your birthday at the Staple Center in Los Angeles if that's what you had happened to do. And it will hurt to remember this if he ended up abusing and throwing away your heart a year or so later. It doesn't go… Continue reading Replace a Sad Memory with a Good One
When I met a girl who recently broke up with her Google-employee ex-fiancee and was to share a San Francisco apartment with me in a nice part of the Panhandle because he kicked her out, I could only look at her, feel pity, and reinforce why I hope to never fall in love again. I… Continue reading ‘The Cost of Knowing Too Much’ or ‘the Pitiful Girl I Met Who Couldn’t Live Without a Man’
This morning of the 25th, I wake up with a slight cringe and feel that hollow in my chest again. Like an automaton, I pick up my iPhone and scroll through vapid posts of gel nails and Jimmy Fallon talk show memes the same way one would pop a pill. Sufficiently distracted from whatever inner… Continue reading A Cool Towel on Christmas Morning
I have one distinct snapshot of my earliest memory. One that foretold what the rest of my internal and relational reality would look like. I'm throwing a tantrum on the floor of a daycare, pointing at a couple girls and a boy who are playing together. For some reason, they do not include me. They… Continue reading A Toddler Crying Becomes an Adult, Crying.
What damage am I doing when I say "no" to meeting people? If I were normal and didn't have a philosophical meltdown every time I made a decision, I would just say "no, don't feel like it", and that would be that. But rather, I am a sensitive and on-edge moral philosopher of a Christian… Continue reading Do I have to go out, Father? Tell me.