Replace a Sad Memory with a Good One

When you remember ice skating, you'll remember skating with someone you loved on your birthday at the Staple Center in Los Angeles if that's what you had happened to do. And it will hurt to remember this if he ended up abusing and throwing away your heart a year or so later. It doesn't go… Continue reading Replace a Sad Memory with a Good One

A Cool Towel on Christmas Morning

This morning of the 25th, I wake up with a slight cringe and feel that hollow in my chest again. Like an automaton, I pick up my iPhone and scroll through vapid posts of gel nails and Jimmy Fallon talk show memes the same way one would pop a pill. Sufficiently distracted from whatever inner… Continue reading A Cool Towel on Christmas Morning

A Toddler Crying Becomes an Adult, Crying.

I have one distinct snapshot of my earliest memory. One that foretold what the rest of my internal and relational reality would look like. I'm throwing a tantrum on the floor of a daycare, pointing at a couple girls and a boy who are playing together. For some reason, they do not include me. They… Continue reading A Toddler Crying Becomes an Adult, Crying.

Do I have to go out, Father? Tell me.

What damage am I doing when I say "no" to meeting people? If I were normal and didn't have a philosophical meltdown every time I made a decision, I would just say "no, don't feel like it", and that would be that. But rather, I am a sensitive and on-edge moral philosopher of a Christian… Continue reading Do I have to go out, Father? Tell me.