‘The Cost of Knowing Too Much’ or ‘the Pitiful Girl I Met Who Couldn’t Live Without a Man’

When I met a girl who recently broke up with her Google-employee ex-fiancee and was to share a San Francisco apartment with me in a nice part of the Panhandle because he kicked her out, I could only look at her, feel pity, and reinforce why I hope to never fall in love again. I… Continue reading ‘The Cost of Knowing Too Much’ or ‘the Pitiful Girl I Met Who Couldn’t Live Without a Man’

A Cool Towel on Christmas Morning

This morning of the 25th, I wake up with a slight cringe and feel that hollow in my chest again. Like an automaton, I pick up my iPhone and scroll through vapid posts of gel nails and Jimmy Fallon talk show memes the same way one would pop a pill. Sufficiently distracted from whatever inner… Continue reading A Cool Towel on Christmas Morning

A Toddler Crying Becomes an Adult, Crying.

I have one distinct snapshot of my earliest memory. One that foretold what the rest of my internal and relational reality would look like. I'm throwing a tantrum on the floor of a daycare, pointing at a couple girls and a boy who are playing together. For some reason, they do not include me. They… Continue reading A Toddler Crying Becomes an Adult, Crying.

Do I have to go out, Father? Tell me.

What damage am I doing when I say "no" to meeting people? If I were normal and didn't have a philosophical meltdown every time I made a decision, I would just say "no, don't feel like it", and that would be that. But rather, I am a sensitive and on-edge moral philosopher of a Christian… Continue reading Do I have to go out, Father? Tell me.